Seize the J

My Left Hamstring

2012-01-02T17:35:00.004-06:00


photo: St. Peter's Episcopal Church San Pedro

Last year I took a challenge from a Purpose Driven Life devotion to trust God. It's not like I think about not trusting God, but there are areas of my life that I like to be "all in" and "hands on". Purpose Driven Life specifically said to "Ask God to help you give your trust to him." Hmmm. Ask God for that trust? Okay I can do that.

I have to say I didn't see much happening for the 1st 6 months or so. Life happened in the day to day. So in June I asked myself, "What am I doing asking God to help me trust him?" What if I did it the bold way and said, "God I trust you with this. I don't know what you're doing, but I trust you do."

So whenever something came up that I wanted to get my hands and mind involved with, I'd say to God, "I trust you God with this." I trust you with this day. I trust you with this relationship. I trust you with my job. I trust you with this 10 mile run. I trust you with my health. I trust you with my life. I trust you know what's going on because I don't.

And so it goes.

And little by little I began to trust. Not because I was asking for trust but because I said, "I trust." Whether I felt like I was trusting or not, I put it out there that I was trusting.

It's a little like doing my training runs on those hot summer mornings. The kind I love that are all thick with humidity and 90 degrees at 8 o'clock in the morning and the trails are a welcome place to run because of the shade. I didn't know if I could run the 8 miles on my training log that day. What would my feet feel like, what about my knees, how much pain when it was over? Well now I know there's nothing I like more than an 8 mile run. And so I began to trust that I'd get through that 8 mile run, and that 10 mile run and eventually the 13.1. (And my feet and knees felt fine. It was the summer skin heat rash that was painful!)

I can't say that I have the trust thing all cornered down. I'm not saying that there aren't times when I want to take it back and get my hands all dirty in the mud pie of it and that I make a decision on my own that doesn't feel like trust. There are mornings when I look in the mirror after a sleepless night of tossing and turning over something that left me puzzled or tears staining my brain. When that uncertainty crept in and I asked, "What am I doing in this?" It followed that, "I don't know what you're doing God, but I trust you that you do."

I've discovered my trust and faith is like my left hamstring, I know it's there, but I have to exercise it, tighten it on cue to feel it.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. (Hebrews 11:1 MSG)

Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1 CEV)

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1 NLT)

Happy New Year!

Seize the J

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose

2011-10-19T18:16:00.000-05:00

Nicci Mechler flickr image

I have green eyes, sometimes they appear blue or teal depending on what I'm wearing. I'm not really referring to the color of my eyes though. I'm referring to the green-eyed monster-- jealousy, envy.

Merriam Webster's definition 2 fits what I'm talkin' about: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage. Or what Henry Nouwen recognizes as jealousy: "Why are you now suddenly so interested in someone else and not in me?"*

The only thing this jealousy brings about is I may understand a little bit more that God is jealous for me. I've never understood this because he's God! for crying out loud. What does he have to be jealous of? He's got the whole world in his hands right? He made the stars and put them there, he counted the sand. I mean it's just little ol' me down here trying to make it in the world today. But he wants my attention. He wants to be the only one. No one comes before him. And that I understand.

Dr. Townsend, the combo of Henry Cloud and John Townsend, has a video that helped me understand where some of this jealousy comes from. He says that if one didn't receive a lot of affirmation, and that they always thought they got the short end of the stick, that sometimes leads to a jealous feelings in life.

My dating experience has been anything but stellar. And one of the common themes was that no matter who I was seeing, he had someone else on the back burner, just in case I guess. How crummy is that! One of these guys even told me he was dating me and someone else because he was trying to figure out who was better for him! Yeah guess he picked the right one because I was better than that is all I have to say!

Is it really any wonder that I have a jealous streak?

So the result is I don't really trust that people want to stick with me. Seriously, that's the pattern that's been established here isn't it? What I'm looking for in a relationship is the man that says to himself, this girl is something special, she is something else, she is something to be pursued. I'm done serial dating. I'm done with serial relationships. She is one I want to know.

This comes back to my last blog post below, are you leading your life, are you leading your days, for the person you are looking for. Because I am looking at you.

One of the things I ponder is do singles know that we need to be living our lives as a single, the same way we'd live our lives in a one on one relationship?

If you treat women as if they are on the back burner in your single life, do you realize you'll treat that special someone when you meet her as if she's on the back burner?

When you ignore me in the discussion, at the grocery store, on the sidelines, you'll ignore me in the relationship.

And I realize this applies to me too. If I'm not feeling so right now, I will not be so right in a relationship later.

I'm not saying change who you are to be a certain way only for it to be false. I'm not saying adapt interests to attract someone you're not.

I'm just sayin': Are you the person you want to be in a relationship with?

One of my favorite TV shows was Friday Night Lights. One of the phrases the players said in their huddle in the locker room was "Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose."

That's me. Can't lose.

Seize the J

* Touching the Holy, Robert J. Wicks, p. 31

What Time Is It?

2011-09-16T22:03:00.003-05:00

Bristolbikes flickr photo

I'm at that stage. The one I thought I would never be at. The one that I said if I ever get to this stage it means I've given up. The one that is similar to the one right around age 30 when I said, "If I'm still going to bars when I get that old, tell me to give it up." (Not goin' to bars anymore for those reasons. Thank God I wised up.)

I'm at that the stage that means I've given up. There must be no hope left. The one where I would let no one pity me after hearing my friend Jeff say to Mary, "I feel sorry for Janet." Ick. I never want anyone to pity me. Then and there I had decided to be the best single person I could be. And I was for a long time.

I have reached that stage again though. The point of exhaustion. Scraping the rocks. The one where there is nothing left. The one I thought I'd reached many times before. The one where I've cried tears of exhaustion that I'm afraid I'll be the last single person left on the face of the earth. Yeah that one!

So for the 2nd time I've been listening to Andy Stanley's The New Rules for Love, Sex, & Dating sermon series. If you're single or you have a single friend you care about, listen to this series. Andy issues a challenge to quit dating for one year. That's not really a challenge to me because I'm not dating, but I've thought about it in another way.

What if for one year I don't think about men in romantic terms? Instead I : renew my mind. Overcome temptation to look. Speak respectfully. Change the way I think about and treat men. Inhabit a positive attitude.

What if I quit talking to God about this and instead trusted my life to him? Well there are all kinds of reasons this sounds totally ridiculous. For one it's horrible timing. God doesn't have a Swatch, a Timex, or my favorite Movado watch so who cares about timing? And what will I learn about myself anyway? That I'm yet alone again naturally? Like I need a reminder.

Andy asks this question:

Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?

I want to be the person I’m looking for is looking for. The one thing I'd like to be that my person is looking for—fun! There has been a lack of play time in my life. What do I like to do for fun? Run, bike, take road trips for a day, look at old stuff, vintage, antique, watch movies, watch basketball, go to the theater, go to concerts, bake cookies, pizza, play on swings in the park, color in coloring books (for real!)

Let's see how many times have I surrendered this? And how many more times? If I surrender every day so what?

The journal entry goes something like this: This dream is yours to begin with. It's yours. And when I want to take it back and possess it, remind me I gave it to you. I trust you with my dream.

Seize the J

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11)

A Decade After 9/11

2011-09-03T13:36:00.100-05:00

The Sphere, Battery Park, New York City
photo by Stanley Tucker

What were you doing 10 years ago on 9/11? Do you remember what you were doing that morning? Do you remember what you were doing the days or months prior to Sept. 11? Do you remember what you were doing the days or months after Sept. 11?

On the morning of 9/11 I took my car to my mechanic on Merle Hay and Meredith. The NBC Today show was on the TV in the waiting room while I waited for one of the mechanics to drive me to work. The North Tower had just been hit by the 1st plane. In the car the mechanic said it was probably a terrorist act. I internally rolled my eyes. As I got out of the car I looked at the clock on the dash and it was 8:03 (CST), the time the South Tower was hit.

Like many of you I taped a flag from the newspaper on my patio door and lit candles for weeks to remember those who had died, and to hope for those who were searching at Ground Zero.

ABC News has an interesting "diary" of events that happened in the month prior to the tragedy.

This made me wonder what I was doing in the months and days prior to 9/11. So I visited my journals.

The months prior to 9/11 my anxiety was palpable. I had visited my friend Sheri in Raleigh, N.C., and had, what I know now, some kind of anxiety related melt down. (Hindsight is 20/20.) I think about bawling uncontrollably on her couch and the grief and sadness, the emotions spilling over but unable to tell it. Sheri, I'm sorry you had to witness that. Sorry about what was aimed at you, and hope you know it wasn't about you.

In the month prior to 9/11 I read a couple of books about fear and opening up to life. Gotta love a book that speaks into me.

"Whatever you are doing—don't put yourself down. Slowly begin to discover which, for you, is the path of the heart. Which path in life will make you grow? That is the path to take." (Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers, p. 108).

"If you let go of something or someone that has not been divinely ordained for you, you are making room for the Divine to take its place in your life. Fear only delays fulfillment. Fear is the insidious activity of the belief that there is something that God cannot do or does not know." (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Iyanla Vanzant, p. 315)

What did you do after 9/11?

Sept. 13 my journal entry was: In some ways everything seems pointless. I wonder about continuing to paint, or looking for a new job, going back to school, hoping for a relationship, buying new clothes. Am I just going to be blown up someday?

Sept. 16: Church was excellent and patriotic. I cried during My Country Tis of Thee.

I think of life then in terms of after 9/11. It was when I became aware that I needed help. For what I didn't know. I knew that I was isolated, alone. I didn't feel lonely for I knew that isolation and alone were just a condition of my life. It wasn't a behavior that I strived for. It just was.

I had a scary evening that I'll attribute to some scary thoughts on a scary med that freaked me. I got in my car and drove around town. To be out in the world, even if it was alone in my car, felt better.

"As a wounded or dying animal crawls to be alone so the stricken person craves aloneness, whether to die of it, or to be healed." (A Widow's Story, Joyce Carol Oates, p. 244)

What would save me.

It was warm for a November evening. I pulled into the parking lot and sat in the car for 10 minutes to see what kind of people were going to be there. And then I turned the key in the ignition, put the car in reverse and drove around for another 10 minutes before going back to the parking lot and watch more people go inside. I wasn't afraid of doing this alone. I was used to doing this alone. And yet...I didn't walk into that church on my own that night, but was being led by a shepherd that wanted me back.

If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me. If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman. You must influence them; do not let them influence you! (Jeremiah 15:19)

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What's Your Tantrum?

2011-08-28T12:56:00.006-05:00

Russell Reno flickr image

In my writing I notice I link to melancholy, which I don't understand considering my "normal" childhood. While I had a happy and creative, and hard working childhood, I can remember feeling misunderstood probably because of a lack of communication skills, that sometimes resulted in temper tantrums. Temper tantrums are just that, not being able to communicate because of a lack of communication skills. Seems like a cycle. Communication is still hard for me because I feel repressed, where is my voice, and who wants to hear me?

That's why writing in my journal is a release. It's much easier to take pen to paper, or write an e-mail, and tell someone my feelings than to use my vocal chords.

I'm much more a listener than a talker. I become blocked by all the external messages I receive. I pay attention to body language and I'm likely to clam up if someone is yawning, if they look bored, or if there is a continued gaze at something happening in the distance, that to me says "I'm interested in what's going on over there not here."

I've heard that children that have temper tantrums are highly sensitive to their environments. They pick up on things in their surroundings that others don't. Tags on clothing drive me crazy, always have. I cut out the most annoying that feel like paper or sandpaper. I couldn't wait to get out of those scratchy dresses with the netting that my mom dressed me in. Whoever came up with tag free clothing must've known the agony of a paper tag scratching the back of the neck or the small of the back.

What about you, what are you sensitive about?

Did you throw temper tantrums as a kid? And you turned out okay like me, right?

Seize the J

...return to a life of peace and quiet...(Jeremiah 46:27)

You Lead Me Here

2011-08-15T10:40:00.021-05:00

Scott Polk flickr image

You go before me

in all that I do.

You have already been

down

the path.

You're sending me.

Each season,

you prepare it.

When trees turn

you are here.

From green to

gold to

brown to

fall...

off.

You consider

everything.

You go before all.
To all:

who live on the earth,

to all:

who cry to you.

My bones

grow weak.

I am so

weary.

And yet, and yet...

I am in hope

for

my heart is confident in you O God.

In lifted hands,

you are worthy of praise.

In lifted voice
high

over raging waters...
you are worthy of praise.

Another season:

flashes of lightning,
on and off, fill the night sky.

You know your seasons.
You created them in the beginning.

You know your reasons and
your corrections.

You go before me.
My heart rejoices
that you know better than I.

When dew is on vine,
in morning bright

seek:
your word for the day.

On solid ground. Stand.

You go before me.

Sun shines,

ice is melted.
You go before me,
My life, guard.

Myself,

in your sanctuary.
Abundantly,

in your bountiful hand.

I created this psalm in a workshop led by Ray McGinnis, author of Journaling the Sacred. McGinnis created this exercise using phrases from the psalms that are highlighted in red.

I'll be leading this technique and 2 others in a journaling breakout session at the Express Your Faith Writer's Conference at Lutheran Church of Hope, August 20.

Try it. Write the phrases in red in your journal. Then connect the phrases with your thoughts, ideas and feelings. You're on your way to being a psalm maker!

Or...invite me to your group and I'll customize the phrases for you.

Seize the J

For we are God’s masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

What I Learned From Unbusy

2011-05-27T04:42:00.003-05:00

For Lent I decided to become unbusy. Just like we can get ourselves busy, we can get ourselves unbusy. I decided to live a noncalendared life. And oh Babe how good it is!

How did I do it? All it took was a talk with God about the things in my life that weren't working. As if he needed to be told. He'd been telling me that for quite a while. And then he naturally eliminated some of the responsibilities (i.e., burdens) I was carrying. Why? Because it is good!

A show I was scheduled to work was canceled. I stepped down from a commitment that was overwhelming me. Several freelance projects I'd said yes to weeks earlier didn't happen. Phone calls weren't made. E-mails weren't created.

While most friends encouraged my journey into a noncalendared life and said, "You go girl. I wish I could do the same," some thought I'd lost my mojo. Seriously?

Anxiety, panic, heart palpitations, surviving on a few hours of sleep, confusion, memory wipe outs. What on that list sounds like a good thing to hold on to?

There were some suggestions to be unbusy: read a book (sounds like another thing to keep busy), look at yet another website (sounds like another thing to keep busy), talk to so and so who did the same thing (sounds like another thing to keep busy).

I discovered the joy of saying "no."

I began spending the last 45 minutes of my evening seated on the floor beside my bed, talking to God, just talking, sometimes crying, sometimes saying nothing.

Here are some other fun things I did during unbusy:
Baked cookies.
Met with friends for great talks, laughs.
Listened to music—live and otherwise.
Read one book at a time, without three others on deck.
Ran and biked on beautiful Sundays.
Ran an 8K.
Served.

The less I do, the less I feel compelled to do anything more.

Life is sweet. Bake cookies. Ride a bike. Run like your life depends on it.

And Seize the J

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16: 9, 3)

March Madness

2011-03-30T19:48:00.012-05:00

Do you have a bucket list?

I don't set goals. It's not that I don't have goals. It's just that I go out and do stuff and don't set it in stone with a time and a place.

I don't call them goals, dreams, a to-do list, or a bucket list. I keep them somewhere in the back 40 of my cerebellum.

Here are things I've accomplished that at one time were in my back 40, things I'd always wanted to do:

College cheerleader.
Graduated from college.
Lived in a big city (Denver).
Editor.
Traveled to New York City (5 times).
Ran a 10K.
Ran 10 miles.
Ran a half marathon.
Own a black Honda.
Own a cottage-type house.

So here is the detailed, specific list of what I wanted that list to really be:

Be a cheerleader for the University of Iowa.
Graduate from the University of Iowa.
Live in New York City.
Be an editor for a glossy magazine.
Be a book submissions/manuscript editor.
Run? I have bad knees! Why would I run?
Car? I didn't even own a car, couldn't afford a car in my Greeley days.
Own a Pottery Barn cottage in Beaverdale.

The last list, maybe like yours, is detailed. But when I compare it to what I've really done, what was actually served up is the same set of accomplishments, just a different back 40.

It's okay to be specific and detailed in your goals, but I finally realized that if I lived my life thinking I'd only had accomplishments if I lived by the specific list, then, in short, I failed. And I haven't!

And I believe it's okay to be open to what God makes happen in his creative way because there may be some great, exciting adventures along the way. His way is better than my way.

Just for fun I made a bucket list. Here are some other things in the back rooms of my mind:

Eat a crab cake at the farmer's market.
Visit Tiffany's in New York City.
Travel to Disney World.
Hear my Dad say I love you.
Get dressed up and have dinner at an atmospheric restaurant with (insert ____ here !)
Be in love...that leads to marriage.
Go to Hawaii.
Help others write their stories.
Own a fun/sporty car (black, of course).
Go to a U2 concert.

What have you done that at one time was just an idea, just something hanging out in your mind? Allow it to be simple. Allow it to be an accomplishment. What have you said to yourself, "Someday I'd like to ... "

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. -- Robert Frost

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

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Ordinary Joy

2011-02-06T16:04:00.004-06:00

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

The most ordinary moments in 2010 center around friendships.

I remember:

coffee with friends in front of fireplaces sipping lattes or mochas at Friedrichs, Cafe Diem, Amici Espresso, Smokey Row;

gulping water or Gatorade after a Monday evening run with friends from Capital Striders, sitting on a picnic table watching the sun go down and getting eaten by mosquitoes, but not caring too much either, slurping a popsicle after the Midnight Madness run, sweating off the heat and humidity;

getting a phone call from a friend after I had just prayed; now that seems fairly extraordinary

eating blueberry pie, Dutch letters, or walking to Snookies malt shop for ice cream with my small group on Thursday evenings;

What I remember about 2010 is having a lot of pleasant surprises. I'd like to live my 2011 with a lot more surprises and a lot of joy.

Joyful because it's about connecting from the heart with people who have heart.

God, I am filled with joy because of you, and I sing your praises. Psalm 9:2

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Soul Food

2011-02-06T15:13:00.011-06:00

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth and touched your soul?

I am soooo not a foodie. Not into making food, baking food, discussing food, or idolizing food, but somehow I manage to eat. Here are some of my favorite foods.

Favorite veggies: lima beans, radishes (one of my favorite childhood memories is having a butter and and radish slice open-face sandwich with my Mom on the back step)
Favorite fruit: strawberries, white grapes
Favorite juice: grapefruit juice
Favorite Blizzard: Midnight Truffle
Favorite breakfast before a run: Malt-O Meal, maple and brown sugar
Favorite peanut butter: Smuckers all natural
Favorite meal dining out: cashew chicken
Favorite meals I make: chili in the crock, pizza.

Here's my pizza recipe.

Mama Mary's pizza crust
olive oil
prepared pesto (Alessi)
tomato paste
World Classics artichoke and tomato antipasto
black olives, sliced
mozzarella cheese

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Drizzle both sides of pizza crust with olive oil. Bake until lightly brown on the bottom, 3-4 minutes. Remove from oven. Spread pesto and tomato paste on top of crust. Top pizza with artichoke and tomato antipasto, black olives, and mozzarella cheese.

Bake for 12-14 minutes.

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Photo – A Present to Yourself

2010-12-26T20:12:00.003-06:00

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I love this photo of me and my best friends from high school, Deanna and Jill. It was taken with my digital Canon PowerShot with the self timing method. I like it because it brings back a time when we were carefree. We always had quite a time together, goofing off, laughing, being light hearted, no worries. Deanna often picked us up in her parent's Cutlass. We shared birthdays, church parties, roller skating, music, sports (okay they shared sports, I cheered them on).

One of my favorite memories of Jill is when our class was at recess playing baseball at the Udell school. We were in 5th grade (?) and I was playing shortstop and I caught a flyball. Now this is memorable because I wasn't athletic, had never caught a flyball, and have never caught one since. But I remember Jill running up to me and hugging me 'cause yeah, it was kind of a big deal.

Memories of Deanna revolve around going to her house after church. Even back then I wasn't much of a meat eater. Her mom, Marilyn, gave me banana, after banana, after banana 'cause I kept eating them. I remember baking in the Easy-bake Oven, blowing bubbles, making recordings imitating farmers.

We met this year 4th of July weekend at Smokey Row in Oskaloosa. It's a memory I've thought about a lot since then. We shared a little of the challenges that we have walked across, walked through, and came out on the other side as better, faster, stronger, more aware, and yeah definitely bionic.

Looking back I can hardly imagine that God would've dreamed up that I could have such enduring, life giving, beautiful souls for friends at a critical time growing up. I can hardly imagine that God knew in our mother's wombs the kind of friendships we would need.

This picture captures both who I am and who I strive to be. Happy, resilient, relational, goofy, spunky, loving, encouraging, caring. And that also describes Deanna and Jill. A 3-way mirror.

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart... (Jeremiah 1:5)

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Everything's Okay

2010-12-25T08:41:00.004-06:00

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Clarity doesn't come quickly to me. I think, analyze, scrutinize, bend an idea up, down, around, sideways, backwards, and try to reason and make sense of it before making a decision. It's tiring being this analytical. I talk myself out of a lot of things. Unfortunately it also leads to assumptions, high expectations, and perfectionism. I've always wanted to be a quick thinker without 2nd guessing myself.

A personal philosophy of mine has always been to seek and understand. I'd add to that I also need to learn to trust that God already has it all figured out. And to think, he did it all without my help and musing!

The Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east? (Job 38: 1, 2, 12)

Joyce Meyer said, "I once asked the Lord why so many people are confused and He said to me, 'Tell them to stop trying to figure everything out, and they will stop being confused.' Reasoning and confusion go together."

My devotion this morning said, "Ask God to help you give your trust entirely to him this coming year, and then watch what he does in your life."

That releases me from a lot of worry. I'm doing it.

Watch what he does in my life. Try it with me.

Seize the J

New Name

2010-12-23T19:24:00.055-06:00

Leo Reynolds
flickr image

Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
You can call me Jan or you can call me Janet, but don't call me Janice, Jana, Jeanette, or Janey.

In 3rd grade I began signing my papers Jan. Jan Brady was a big influence. My family and friends began calling me Jan and my college friends still call me Jan. When I hear them call me my familiar name, it invites memories of studying at the front library tables, basketball games during interterm, racquetball challenges, Funyuns, Hookman parties, life-long friends, identity, ownership of self. Me, myself, I.

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Travel

2010-12-22T20:55:00.005-06:00

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Planes, trains, automobiles. Happily seeking with wonder. A text surprise. Losing myself and losing my path, but not losing my way. Running into something. Running away from nothing. Races. New faces. Well-worn paths. Regrets: I’ve had a few. Facing fears. Screwing up. Falling down. Getting back up again. Being encouraged. Laughter. Significant. Discovered. Are you anything like me?

It’s not often that I want to lather, rinse, and repeat a year, but there are paths from 2010 that I’d take all over again.

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Future Self

2010-12-21T20:30:00.014-06:00

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?

Advice for my future self:

You got it babe, you got it. Endure. Like people. Smile often. Do the new thing. Celebrate mile markers. Enjoy the adventure. Count your blessings. Show your heart. Take the risk. Step up. Lead. Humble yourself. Serve. Go through the open door.

Seize the J

What Are You From?

2010-09-16T18:20:00.119-05:00

Thomas Lift, LLC; Artist: William Butler

515-201-0312 (Ronja Butler)
info@thomaslift.com

http://www.thomaslift.com/
http://thomaslift.com/blog

I am from rich, wealthy earth

I am from soul, spirit, fire

I am from toil

I am from Dr. Pepper, Milky Way, popcorn

I am from country and culture

I am from sisters and brothers

I am from new beginnings

What makes your story who you are?

Think about touch, whose hand are you holding; smell and taste, what foods make you think of good times, family meals, holidays; colors, toys, sounds, do you hear the cheers from your position at shortstop?

Who does God say you are?

How does it compare with what you say you are from?

Are they the same?

What is the truth?

Any doubts?

"What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?"

They replied, "Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets."

He pressed them, "And how about you? Who do you say I am?" (Matthew 13:13-16)

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I Know Where Love Lives

2010-08-17T21:57:00.011-05:00

My run:walk shoes,
my 5K shoes,
and my 10K and beyond shoes.

I’m in love. With running. I know it's love because I think about it all day. I want the best for it. I have a lot of self-control, patience, and endurance. And I run my own race.

This season I have run seven 5Ks (3.1 miles), am training for a 10K (6.2 miles) in a week, a 10 miler in a month, and a 1/2 marathon in 2 months.

I think about my training for the evening, the route I'll take, the mileage of a long or short run, hills or speed or race pace, treadmill, trail, asphalt, or track. I think about upcoming races I want to run. I think about the race I just ran. I think about the people I run with and the food I eat! I think about timing and shoes and watches and heartbeats, and serotonin and endorphins dripping down my brain like sweat dripping down my back.

I think about days of rest and recovery (ahhh, a Sabbath for the runner.)

Take me with you; come, let's run. (Song of Songs 1:4 NLT)

So what are you in love with right now? Person, place, or thing. Name it and claim it here.

Where does your love live?

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The Sound of Silence

2010-06-10T17:48:00.011-05:00

My friend Joy and I talked on Sunday. What a joy to have Joy in my life. She was the gal who had the dorm room with the party going on and a stream of visitors. I remember the night we were eating Funyons and falling down behind Metzler Hall in hilarity. For those of you that don’t know my background, Mac College was a “dry” campus, well for some people it was.

We talked about how life has changed for us, the soil is turning over. And I believe we’re being cultivated--prepared for a change (to use language farm girls know). As visionaries, though, this time we can't see it, we just feel it deep in our souls. And it hurts sometimes.

There is a lot of silence in our lives.

I don't have the 2.5 kids, the picket fence, the vacation at Yellow Stone, the picturesque anything,

Instead, I’ve had a lot of noise. The noise of deadlines, late hours, bus commuting, partying like it’s 1999, eclectic friends from all walks of life. How does this work? Trying anxiously and fearfully to make it all the while with noise. Filling my time with a lot of busy. Volunteering, service, church, making homes to be better than they were left to me, a 2nd job that is just plain fun, biking, running, a life that, basically, yes I love it. I loved the busy. Busy, though, made me anxious and anxious felt normal if I could catch up with my heart, or my heart could catch up with me.

But now...silence.

Some days I want the addiction of the noise.

God is silent. And I'm listening.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

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Command Z

2010-04-19T20:40:00.021-05:00

2 things about my prayer life recently.

1.) I'm not that interested in talking to God. I'm keeping my mouth shut. I've done too much blabbing.

A new layer is peeling back. I'm more interested in what he has to say.

I'm interested in His presence and sit across the room from him. He sits in my wicker chair next to my desk and I sit on the floor, leaning against that ugly old green retro chair. I sit at his feet and am mesmerized by him.

2.) Last week though, I had another "out" with him. And I spoke boldly. Not to be shown only the light for the step I'm on, not to take me to the next step, but get me there. Poof. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. Not sure that's really a prayer but a rant. So what happens when I pray a bold prayer?

Uh...a bold answer.

What have I done?

Undo! Undo!

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The Year of Living Deliberately

2010-01-10T16:36:00.014-06:00

So it's 10 days into the New Year and I've dubbed 2009 as The Year of Living Deliberately. I made some deliberate actions. I made friends. I made enemies. I made myself happy. I made myself frustrated and upset. I tried lots of new things, met new people, tried a different martini each time (espresso chocolate is delightful); vacationed in a city I'd never been before (Chicago); joined some new groups (CityBranch, Capital Striders).

One of my friends asked me if I was having fun doing it. "Are you kidding? Fun? I don't know what I'm doing," I said. "I have too many questions and not enough answers coming in."

Do I do this?
Do I call?
Does he?
Will he?
Do I ask?
Do I wait?
Do I take this street?
This exit?
Do I stay here?
What about there?
Do I spend my money on this?
What about that?
Do I move?
Will it hurt?
Will it make me happy?
Do I end it or do I just let it end itself?
Do I jump in with both feet?
Or what about just a toe in the water for now?
What is the meaning of all this?
Does God act?
Do I?

What were your questions in 2009? What were the answers?

When all is said and done, or when all is questioned out, and we take an action, God is with us.

And so it goes in 2010. 'Cause I kinda like it like that.

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First Impression

2009-11-08T21:39:00.009-06:00

I remember I wanted to wear sandals. It was 2 weeks before spring and the air still had a chill in it. Too cold for sandals.

The art was world class and funky and inspiring.

The snapshots are quick. Sitting in the sun on a bench on the south side. I remember navy socks, faded and perfect. And the leather--smooth like butta.

We cast our history out into the rose bushes and discovered not 6 degrees of separation but 1. A babysitter that lived 3 blocks away in the yellow house with white shutters, next to the school.

We both noticed the couple 20 feet away in our glances.

For a moment I wished so hard that I was her. And he was him.

I have discovered that wishing isn't the same as faith.

People talk about faith like it is a big thing, but even if we have the faith of a mustard seed nothing will be impossible.

That is huge. Bigger than my wish.

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98%

2009-10-22T21:09:00.003-05:00

My friend JoC and I had one of those deep-hearted conversations the other night. I mentioned that 98% of my friends are Christian. But

98% of my life is lived in non-Christian environments.

Like a lot of you I spend most of my days working, shopping, playing, listening, being in the "real" world. And I can definitely say that I may be only showing 50% of my 98% self. I reason that sometimes it's just best not to rock the boat, not to walk on water, and just go with the flow.

Authentic has been a big theme for me this year. What about me is authentic, the 98%? Or am I more authentic, relate-able, when I'm at 50%? And what about me is not authentic, not real, un-relate-able?

That's backwards isn't it? Do you need to relate to me? Or is it the other way around, I need to relate to you?

We're to have deep-hearted conversations, the kind that make men reveal their hang-ups, women to reveal their hurts, and all of us to cry out and lay it down already.

I know my authenticity–my identity–isn't social networks, consumerism, technology, religion. It's not Facebook; my job; nano5, Mac, shoes, designer clothes; where I go to church, or what neighborhood I live in.

I know my ID.

Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient...So let's live out our part..., not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread—simple, genuine, unpretentious. (1 Corinthians 5:6-8,The Message)

What's your number?

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My Heart Laid Bare

2009-06-29T20:34:00.005-05:00

A red string is attached to my heart. When I walk down the sidewalk and pull the string behind me the heart bounces and weaves, and flips over and tumbles along the cement. It is scarred and holy, thick in some places, thin in others. At times it’s been on fire and there are scars from the burns. There is a lot of scar tissue.

I did not plan to treat my heart this way. I thought that I would guard my heart at all times and that it would remain tender and sweet. When I leave my heart unguarded I expose it to the elements of a real and hurtful world.

What about being exposed to a real and satisfying love?

What is that?

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Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellsprings of life". (Proverbs 4:23)

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? (Psalm 13:1 NLT)

Just As I Am

2009-06-05T20:55:00.008-05:00

A lot of us are ready to get off the merry-go-round, we're so frazzled we wonder if meds will help, or is it what we're eating, or drinking, or lack of an interesting job, we're not living up to what we thought we would be, or it's the 3 kids and the 25 activities among them and that doesn't even include the spouse, for those fortunate to have one (did I say that?)

The roof needs fixed, the car needs new tires, and the "staycation" 3 states away is only a few weeks away.

I realize I do too many things. Maybe it's because I'm trying to find my niche, maybe it's because I love to learn and be adventurous, and maybe it's because I love to serve, and sometimes, maybe, it's because I'm trying to prove myself. Really?

Just as I am. That's all I want.

Sound familiar?

I just finished an online journaling course. A 5-week prerequisite for becoming certified to lead Journal to the Self. Loved it! Denver is my staycation. I'm so there.

When you're done reading this, shut down the computer, find:

a quiet coffee shop,
a quiet place at the library,
a picnic table at a park (does anyone go to the park anymore?),
sit in the car at the park,
heck, go sit in the car in the garage,
find a closet in your house,
lock yourself in the bathroom.

It doesn't matter.

Take your journal with you and write this question and then answer it:

What's going on? What's going on is...

Write one thought to the next. Don't lift the pen. Don't worry about speelling, punctuation. Incomplete sentences. Just let the words travel from your brain, down your arm, through your hand, out the pen.

Your own staycation.

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So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big day approaching. (Hebrews 10:22-25 MSG)

Grapes of Wrath

2009-04-05T22:06:00.012-05:00

I need you to be strong for who I am so you can continue to shine me thru you. You can't compromise who are you, who I made you to be, and follow me. We choose each other. I am making you strong. I know you will not compromise, but those tests have come and will come again and because you are my beautiful daughter, you'll be the strength initially to show those who are falling and failing.

This is not an easy mission field. It's one of the toughest. There are emotions being flung all over the place. Blood will be shed. My blood has been shed for you.

You will make it. I'm protecting you throughout this battle.

I know who you are. I know you love me and I know your desire for love. I love to see your heart desire it. I desire it for you too. And to get you there, there's a lot of world to see, experience, enjoy.

And it may confuse you, but you're learning and that's what I want for you. I so desire someone to treat you the way I treat you Beautiful One.

For I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...I will be found by you. (Jeremiah 29: 11, 14)

If you could see you the way that I see you.

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The Other Grapes of Wrath

"Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing.'... I says, 'What's this call, this sperit?' An' I says, 'It's love. I love people so much I'm fit to bust, sometimes.'... I figgered, 'Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe,' I figgered, 'maybe it's all men an' all women we love; maybe that's the Holy Sperit-the human sperit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of.' Now I sat there thinkin' it, an' all of a suddent-I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it." John Steinbeck

Here I Am

2009-02-18T21:12:00.009-06:00

Sue sent an e-mail a few weeks ago and tacked on at the end of it she wrote, "Don't be afraid." It wasn't exactly in context with the rest of her e-mail so I paused and thought, "What does that mean?" Two days later I read in Mark: 5:36, "Don't be afraid. Just have faith." Then later that week as I was driving by a church in my neighborhood, the sign outside read, "Don't be afraid."

When I asked Sue about it later she said, "I was ready to hit the 'send' key without that in there, and he literally took over my fingers. That's why I didn't say anything else in explanation–I didn't really have an explanation."

"What does it feel like to have your own personal burning bush?"

Pastor Mike had an awesome sermon (How to Stay Calm in a Stormy World) on fear and he talked about how some of us have fears of our dreams not coming true.

Some fears are okay, some fears are learned. I fear snakes, dogs running at me (or maybe dogs in general these days) and depending on what it is I sometimes fear the known and the unknown.

One thing I don't fear: the truth. Just tell me the truth.

In the past I've said I just want to hear the burning bush.

What is your burning bush?

When the Lord saw thathe had turned aside to look, God called to him from within the bush and said, “Moses, Moses!”And Moses said, “Here I am.” (Exodus 3:4)

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This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.

What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.

Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.

You'll call out for help and I'll say, "Here I am."

Isaiah 58:6-9 (The Message)

Happy Chinese New Year. It's an Ox Thing.

2009-01-24T10:43:00.010-06:00

Do I get a do over?

I haven’t made good on my resolutions of 3 weeks ago yet. I haven’t perused the library shelves looking for a casual read that catches my eye. In fact, I’ve been deliberate in my reading. Currently I'm reading I Believe in Water for writing inspiration. And there are some books on my mind to re-read such as Captivating.

Secondly, I haven’t been hanging out in coffee shops by myself. That’s all good though because I’ve been meeting my friends there instead. Your stories are inspiring about the things that you're learning, your days filled with joy, and it's fun to giggle uncontrollably. And other friends have stopped by my house for a cup of hot chocolate (see recipe below, you'll never go back to packaged.)

I have increased my journal entries this year. One day I wrote 8 pages in an hour. Yikes. Must be some kind of record, even for me.

Finally, on living less self-limited, still working on it. A lot to learn and I'm loving it. I'm going to need to acquire more armor.

Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. Ephesians 6:13-18 (The Message)

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Hot J Cocoa Mix
1-1/2 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup vanilla caramel sugar free coffee creamer
1/2 cup non-fat dry milk

In large bowl whisk together all ingredients. To make a cup of cocoa stir together 3 tablespoons of hot cocoa mix and 1 tablespoon of water in a mug. Stir in 1 cup of skim milk. Or use 1 cup of water, not milk. Microwave for 2 minutes or until hot.

Un Shackled

2009-01-05T21:35:00.014-06:00

I just read The Shack. Parts of it reminded me of going through Christ Life class and how the paradigms and thought patterns we make for ourselves can be self limiting, as well as our own illusions and perceptions. This quote from The Shack got me thinking:

Or we could talk about all the limiting influences in your life that actively work against your freedom.

I watched 2 movies on Saturday night. Sleepless in Seattle was on TV (who wouldn't love to meet Mr. Yes in NYC on top of the Empire State Building!)

During the advertisements (being the ultimate multitasker) I switched to DVD and watched Goodbye Lenin, a German film. Who in the world is watching a German movie on a Saturday night (except maybe those in Germany) and who is watching 2 movies at a time! Geesh*

So I was thinking about the New Year and how I don't really make resolutions but maybe I would this year because some things in life aren't happening for me, others that are happening need to change, and I need to follow thru on some others. The reason some of those things aren't happening for me is I've become comfortable and maybe self-satisfied (read that self limited) with the way things are and that I've thought them into truth and reality. My reality and truth. Not truth and reality for anyone else. And I don't think they're God's truth or reality for me.

I've realized parts of my life is a check off list. In my planner I keep lists of books to read and videos to watch, stuff to do, appointments, work schedules, classes, dates to pay bills, pay days, show dates, birthdays, etc.

What happened to the care free days of discovering a book on the shelf rather than reading it because it's "on the list"? What happened to looking at the spines of books and reading titles such as Some Love Some Pain Some Time, pulling the book from the shelf, judging it by its cover, and reading the jacket to see if it was recommended by anyone I like.

Keeping a list of books prevents me from being present in the moment of choosing at that moment.

And another thang, I'm going to hang out in coffee shops more often. I was waiting for my friend Lynn at Cafe Diem in Ankeny (and finished reading The Shack while waiting) and I thought, I need to do this more often. Be present to the sounds and people around me at the moment.

I like to try new things. If you have a favorite coffee shop, let me know. Maybe I'll see you there.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

Pray. And while you're at it...

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*It was a multicultural weekend. The next day I watched the French film The Grocer's Son. Je l'ai bien aimé. I loved it!

Christmas Past

2008-12-20T06:58:00.007-06:00

What is your favorite memory of Christmas?

There is a Hallmark commercial about a young woman spending her first Christmas away from home and every time I see it I get a little teary eyed. The first Christmas I spent away from home was in 1985. I was living in Greeley, CO, and couldn't afford to travel. I went to Kent's two family's homes. I was in a place I'd never been before, around a family I didn't belong with, taking part in traditions I didn't know. Nothing was familiar. And yet they welcomed me warmly and had taken the time for it to be special. I felt more loved than I expected.

I spent many Christmas' by myself and learned to make my own traditions. I made a special meal -- Mexican Chicken Casserole and pumpkin pie. Later I'd take a walk at Crown Hill Park, put together a puzzle, and go to a movie in the afternoon. I remember going to see A River Runs Through It, one of my favorite movies.

When I think of Christmas' past, I don't think about what presents I received, what I didn't receive, or what I gave people. I remember the people, the laughter, the unity, the celebration.

When they had listened to the king, they went their way, and behold, the star which had been seen in the east in its rising went before them until it came and stood over the place where the young Child was.

When they saw the star, they were thrilled with ecstatic joy.

And on going into the house, they saw the Child with Mary His mother, and they fell down and worshiped Him. Then opening their treasure bags, they presented to Him gifts--gold and frankincense and myrrh. Matthew 2:9-11 (AMP)

Heaven's love reaching down to save the world. Hallelujah!

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Inside Out

2008-11-11T22:25:00.003-06:00

I was re-reading my journal the other day and came across an entry from a month ago, yet I didn't remember writing it and in some places couldn't read my handwriting. When I'm really bogged down I write as fast as I can then close my journal and let it be. God knows it all anyway. He has examined my heart and knows everything about me. (Psalm 139:1). As an editor, journaling is the one time when I don't have to be in edit mode. Although...
you may wish I had censored myself on this. I'm taking my own advice and using it as is...so here is:

"I give you a lot of confusing direction and prayer. None of which I'm God. I ask you to clear my calendar yet I keep planning around it. I ask where my friends are yet I don't want to be around them. I notice there is no solution. There's no encouragement. It's about whining and complaining.

I just feel ick.

I ask, why do I limit you God? Why do I think you're going to do something uncomfortable in my life? Why do I think you're taking me somewhere I don't want to go? I think because there is so much disappointment. When I ask you say no. But sometimes it looks like you're pushing me into things I don't want.

That verse about you doing small things before you'll do big things is in my head."

I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. Romans 7:18-20 (The Message)

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Get the Funk Out

2008-10-20T22:01:00.019-05:00

I've been trying to get the funk out lately. Some of you have said you've been in a funk too.

It started around Labor Day weekend. Someone said something to me that is soooo against everything I am. Right away I bristled. "I'm not cut out that way. I'm not created that way. And if that's the way it's gonna be. Then I'm not gonna like it. I'm checking out." I couldn't shake it. And as funks go, one thing led to another which led to another which led to another. I tried to keep my mind on what is good and true, tried to grab onto something to stop from falling but the momentum and spiral down was too hard to overcome on my own. On my own never works.

The writer in Psalm 118:6 says, "What can mere people do to me?" I said, what can a mere "insert name here" do to me?

I was talking to a friend of mine about this funk. Being journal savvy, she suggested I journal about what makes Janet shine. Here's what makes me shine.

What about you? What makes you shine?

Use the vine and branches technique in your journal. Start with your name in the middle. What do you like to do? Who do you like to be around? Where do you hang out? What makes you who you are?

Yes, I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Psalm 37:5-7

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Clustering

2008-10-20T22:00:00.001-05:00

Clustering is spontaneous and can take less then 5 minutes. It's a quick way to splat your thoughts and feelings out on paper in a short amount of time.

Start with an idea you want to explore in the middle. Then branch off with ideas, feelings, people, places, and things. Write the 1st word that comes to mind. Continue the branch until you're no longer making connections. When a new thought comes that you want to explore, go back to the middle and begin branching out again.

Don't think deeply on this. You can dig for deeper thoughts and journal about those later.

When flipping through the pages of your journals to re-read and explore your growth, the picture stands out and shows you a quick snapshot of where you were.

Still, Deep Waters

2008-09-19T10:53:00.012-05:00

Do you want to dive deeper? Are you tired of being at surface level? Do you wonder if there's something out there...or do you know there's something out there, but it seems like it's in the great beyond?

Are you a little weary, a little teary, and yet you remember a time when life wasn't that way?

Journaling can help heal in the 5 areas of health–emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. A doctor may ask first how you're doing physically and they may even now ask how you're doing emotionally, but I bet they've never asked how you're doing spiritually.

When was the last time someone asked you, "How's your spiritual health?" I'm asking you now.

When people talk to me about journaling they often say, "I'm not sure I'm doing it right" or "What are the rules?" There are very few ways to "do it right" and there are very few rules in journaling. It's helpful to date your entries, write, and reread. A little like the shampoo label, lather, rinse, repeat. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, or punctuation. What matters is that you're honest in your own voice. And then through self-reflection and time you'll see growth through endurance and character through strength.

Because journaling can help you heal, it leads to a healthier lifestyle. It boosts creativity and learning. And ahhhh, just like the ice tea commercial with the backward plunge into the pool, it brings about spiritual contentment.

To get started you don't have to buy a fancy schmantsy journal. All you need is paper and pen. (I journal in a spiral bound notebook.) Let your thoughts and feelings tumble out from your mind, down your arm, pass through your hand to the pen and on to the paper. To begin, write for 20 minutes, 3 or 4 times a week.

If you currently journal, you've tried journaling in the past, or you're intrigued by the idea of journaling, check out an upcoming workshop. We'll be doing 3 hands-on writing techniques for both new and seasoned journalers–a traditional journaling exercise, a deeper dive into a treasure hunt of lists, and creating your very own psalm.

This workshop is part of the women's ministry Soul Deep series at Lutheran Church of Hope in West Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 6 at 6:30 p.m. You don't have to attend Hope, for that matter you don't have to attend church anywhere or even believe. Maybe you're interested in this idea and hmmmm...you feel a tug to be open and learn something new. You'll find we're very open too. There's no fee. To register call 222-1520, online go to www.hopewdm.org/events, or e-mail registrations@hopewdm.org.

Although women tend to use journals more than men, the gender difference is surprisingly small. I coach both men's and women's groups, care groups, and small groups.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. Isaiah 43:2,1

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Books of Influence

2008-09-07T10:41:00.031-05:00

Someone recently asked me if there are books on journaling.

Yes, a lot of them. If you search your local library you'll get hundreds of titles. If you search amazon.com you'll get thousands of titles.

Below are books I've read on journaling and writing that are classic writing books, as well as the best journaling books and exercises I've come across.

A Way Without Words: A Guide for Spiritually Emerging Adults: Marcia Sinetar

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life; Anne Lamott

Book of One's Own: People and Their Diaries; Thomas Mallon

Complete Idiot's Guide to Journaling; Joan R. Neubauer

Elements of Style; William Strunk, Jr.

Idea Catcher: An Inspiring Journal for Writers; Story Press

Journal Keeping: Writing for Spiritual Growth; Luann Budd

Journal Keeping: Exploring a Great Spiritual Practice; Carl J. Koch

Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Spiritual Growth--Open the Door to Self-Understanding by Writing, Reading, and Creating a Journal of Your Life; Kathleen Adams

Life's Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, Christina Bladwin

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft; Stephen King

On Writing Well; William Zinsser

Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions; James W. Pennebaker

Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices That Transform Us; Adele Ahlberg Calhoun

Storycatcher: Making Sense of our Lives through the Power and Practice of Story; Christina Baldwin

Way of the Journal: A Journal Therapy Workbook for Healing; Kathleen Adams

Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within; Natalie Goldberg

Writing for Emotional Balance: A Guided Journal to Help You Manage Overwhelming Emotions; Beth Jacobs

Writing to be Whole: A Healing Journal; Eddie Ensley

Writing Without the Muse; Beth Joselow

Journals and diaries I've read
Burn Journals; Brent Runyon
Diana's Diary: An Intimate Portrait of the Princess of Wales; Andrew Morton
Diary of a Fat Housewife: A True Story of Humor, Heartbreak, and Hope; Rosemary Green
Diary of an Exercise Addict; Peach Friedman
Diary of Ma Yan: The Struggles and Hopes of a Chinese Schoolgirl; edited by Pierre Haski
Diary of a Young Girl; Anne Frank
Everyday Matters: A New York Diary; Danny Gregory
The Freedom Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them; the Freedom Writers with Erin Gruwell
Go Ask Alice; Anonymous
IraqiGirl: Diary of a Teenage Girl in Iraq
Journal of a Solitude; May Sarton
Journal of Joyce Carol Oates: 1973-1982; Joyce Carol Oates
Journals of Rachel Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High; Beth Nimmo, Debra K. Klingsport
Journey is the Destination: The Journals of Dan Eldon; edited by Kathy Eldon
1000 Journals Project; Someguy, foreward by Kevin Kelly
The Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal; Lily Koppel
Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself; Sabrina Ward Harrison
Thanksgiving: An AIDS Journal; Elizabeth Cox
Under the Overpass: A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America; Mike Yankoski
Women's Diaries of the Westward Journey; Lillian Schlissel
Zlata's Diary: A Child's Life in Sarajevo; Zlata Filipović

Pen Profile

2008-08-17T10:51:00.006-05:00

Previously, you may remember, I lamented the exit of the Bic Clic. Well no more. After months of searching, yes months, I've found my new favorite pen.

It is the Paper Mate Profile Click Pen. The packaging calls it the "world's smoothest pen" and I agree. Smooth writing equals fast writing. It's so fast, it may set a world record.

Here are the reasons I recommend it. The color is bold and dark, not like a lot of ink that causes eye strain or is practically invisible and you have to hold it up to decode the secret message. It doesn't bleed through paper. It has a soft comfort grip and a handy clip thang that you can attach to the spiral on your journal, or you can clip it onto your pocket protector if you're into wearing pens on your shirt.

I bought a package of 4 and should have bought a package of 12. I keep one in my backpack, one in the kitchen, one in my office, and one in the living room because when the time comes to write, I can't be bothered searching all over the house for a pen. Or I could always join the pocket protector crowd.

I like classic black ink but they come in 8 cool colors. Collect them all! They're available in purple, red, turquoise, black, magenta, green, blue, and orange. Journaling in orange sounds so very rad.

This is thee pen to have in your wardrobe of pens.

Endless Summer

2008-08-16T11:05:00.010-05:00

It is sunny and 85 degrees, not a cloud in the sky. I just got back from my walk. The sun will set in about an hour. My favorite season is summer. I begin looking forward to it about December 22 as minute by minute the days get longer.

What I like about summer
I like that when I wake up at 5:45 the sun is already up and greets me. I like wearing shorts, t-shirts, and sandals. I like it that when I go outside I don't have to wear a coat. I like it that when I travel I can count on taking only summer clothes. I like Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzards at DQ. I like a well-done barbecued hamburger with the classic bun, mustard, ketchup, onion, and dill pickle. I like 2-hour long bike rides.

What I remember about summer
I remember shucking bucket after bucket of sweet corn and being grossed out at the brownish, grainy worms inside the husk. I remember Dad coming to the house after he was done milking and he had picked a watermelon from the garden and we would all go outside and eat it, pa-tew-ing the little black seeds.

I remember hearing the train whistle in town and Linda and I would jump on our bikes, pedal as fast as we could up the hill, coast down the hill, and pedal even faster up the next loooong hill to see if we could beat the train to the railroad crossing.

I remember mowing the yard on the riding lawn mower, listening to Casey Kasem count down the Top 40, coming in for dinner, drinking iced tea, and watching American Bandstand.

I remember walking down the lane to get the cows, making sure to climb the gate in the field adjacent to their pasture because the bull was in with them. I remember calling the cows and then counting them as they passed by me. I remember walking behind them up the lane, the fine gray dirt poofing up beneath my sandals and getting my toes dirty.

I remember watching a cow fenced in near the barn take its last dying breath.

I remember turning small, round hay bales and snakes slithering from beneath the cool and dampness.

I remember Jerry and me swimming in the pond and Dad would be nearby watching to make sure we were safe.

I remember a lot of kittens and playing for hours in the barn with them.

I remember riding my bike into town to go to the library.

I remember reading the back-to-school issue of Seventeen magazine.

I remember the end of summer feeling the same as it does now. The air feels different; the sun is at a different angle in the sky.

Ahhh summer. I wish it wouldn't it end.

What do you like about your favorite season? What do you remember about growing up in your favorite season?

Arise...Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the Lord rises to shine on you. Isaiah 60:1

Seize the J

A Change of Season

2008-07-30T20:38:00.009-05:00

2 years ago I was in a group of wanderers in the desert headed for the promised land in a class called Christ Life. During this life-changing class I met some of the deepest people I'll ever know and I can say, "I knew them then." One of those people is Sue. Sue and her husband Jim, are moving back to Denver in 2 weeks. Sue is one of those self-less people we learned about in Christ Life. Track A living in a Track B world.

One evening in class Sue was intensely taking notes from Dave's talk. I looked at her notes and thought, "Gee should I be getting this too?" Later when we were in our small group I asked her, "How is it that you get this?" Sue looked at Kathy, Trish, and me and said, "This is it for me. I have to get this now. There is no other way." Sue was inspirational in teaching about the fruits of the Spirit. And if it wasn't for Sue's inspiration, I wouldn't have ever memorized them: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Here are just a few of the self-less things Sue has done:

filmed our phase 3 class giving our testimonies
rescued a true church mouse from the parking lot at Hope
(this mouse is famous on You Tube)
shared her skybox at Wells Fargo Arena for Joyce Meyer and Anne Graham Lotz
loaned me 3 books that changed my thinking: The Return of the Prodigal Son, Captivating, and Under the Overpass (the author is coming to Hope in August)
gives to the Cookie Ministry and shot this video about the ministry
went on to facilitate and lead a phase 3 class
shot this video of the cross for Hope's sanctuary
filmed a video of the homeless for Feed 1 Million and 40 Days of Community
filmed and edited numerous videos at Hope
loaned me a camera when I went to NY
went to SonicFlood and Avalon concerts with me
met me for coffee
listened to me
was always the 1st to say, "I'm in."

Sue is all about media and serves on the team at Hope. I'll miss seeing her behind the camera. I'll miss hearing Pastor Mike say, "Next slide Sue," and knowing that Sue is in control.

Sue gave our class a bookmark about sowing and reaping. I found it still in the pages of my phase 3 book. Here are the prophetic words: Every seed bears its fruit at a season later than when you planted it.

I have seen God's hand at work. Haven't you seen God raising people up to scatter them like seed in another land?

An affirmation to you Sue, from The Promised Land as you go Mile High: "Teach the world to do what you do. Demonstrate the way you interact with God. Let the world watch you believe and interact with God, so they can learn how to do it too." (pg. 169)

And as soon as the grain is ready, the farmer comes and harvests it with a sickle, for the harvest time has come. Mark 4:29

It is your season.

Seize the J

Couldn't Be Happier

2008-07-11T21:18:00.009-05:00

I am proud to be a Civic Center employee. It is an honor to work for one of the best theaters in the world!

This is the season you've been waiting for and you don't want to miss it! I encourage you to purchase season tickets to the 2008-2009 Willis Broadway Series.

The season ticket package includes Wicked (must see), Spring Awakening, Legally Blonde, The Color Purple (inspiring), and Frost/Nixon. Season ticket holders also have the first opportunity to purchase the Willis Broadway Series Special Presentations which include Monty Python's Spamalot (funny), Mamma Mia (fun), Hairspray (fun) and Rain: The Beatles Experience (groovy). Season ticket packages start at just $143!

A season ticket package offers the best seats in the house at discounted prices. Click this link to purchase tickets and you'll find it's easy to order too!

The Civic Center was ranked 14th out of 100 theaters in 2007* ahead of other midwest theaters such as the Orpheum Theatre in Minneapolis (#16), and the Fabulous Fox Theater in St. Louis (#25) and the Fox Theatre in Detroit (#37).

Jeff Chelesvig, Civic Center president and CEO, said, "It's interesting to note that while Des Moines is a comparatively smaller metropolitan area than its peers, the Civic Center consistently yields a much higher percentage of ticket buyers." The 208,250 tickets sold at the Civic Center in 2007 equates to nearly 39% of the Des Moines metropolitan area's population of 534,000.

Hope to see you in the upcoming season!

An Inconvenient Truth

2008-06-24T20:50:00.010-05:00

Have you had a great conversation recently? Have you had a conversation with a perfect stranger?

I got to spend an evening with 2 friends from college in Denver last weekend. One was my roommate back in the day, and her husband, a racquetball partner and friend. I'll refer to them as M and J.

Somehow at random (yeah right) the conversation turned to our beliefs. Like all great conversation it took some time to get to the heart of the matter. I believe when all is stripped away, all I have is faith.

J is agnostic. He had an experience in church that turned him away from ever wanting to go back to church. The message spouted was a message of condemnation instead of a message that God is a God of love and encouragement and forgiveness. J said he doesn't want me to judge him or think less of him because he doesn't believe. That's the heart of the matter isn't it? He spoke the truth and J, I love you no matter what.

I've always said I need a guy like him in my life. He has the biggest smile and heart. He's big on giving affirmation and encouragement. He is a great provider for his wife, he is trustworthy and loyal, and the ultimate husband in that he loves to cook and do the grocery shopping. What's not to love!

The evening at the restaurant seemed a lot like what Jesus did. He sat around with friends over a glass of wine (okay it was 3 glasses) and had life changing conversation. I don't know who was changed more by the conversation. I heard loud and clear that truth is not always convenient. Judge not. It's not up to us.

Be curious about others you encounter. You can't be judgmental and curious at the same time. Go for the stranger. When you're in a crowd, at the airport, waiting in line, are you only talking to people that are safe and comfortable? Go for the perfect stranger.

It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment. I Corinthians 4:3,4 The Message

Seize the J's (both of them)

Has your picture of God been affected by the family in which you grew up or the church you attended as a child? In retrospect, did you grow up with a biblically accurate view of God?

The issue is, what do we want? The Bible says that if you seek God with all your heart, then you will surely find him. Surely find him. It's the person who wants to know God that God reveals himself to. And if a person doesn't want to know God -- well, God has created the world and the human mind in such a way that he doesn't have to.

(The Case for Faith: A Journalist Investigates the Toughest Objections to Christianity by Lee Strobel)

The Rains Came Down and the Floods Came Up

2008-06-14T08:30:00.042-05:00

These pictures were taken Wednesday, June 11. Praise Choir served a meal for the residents at the downtown YMCA because their power was going to be shut off later that evening. The river is a few feet from the Y.

Have you seen the movie An Inconvenient Truth? It's mind blowing how far back they can date the ice on earth and how the rising temperatures affect every living thing.

"I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures, for all generations to come. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth. Whenever I cover the sky with clouds and the rainbow appears, I will remember my promise to you and to all the animals that a flood will never again destroy all living beings." Genesis 9: 12-16

Seize the J

The Magnetic Prophetic

2008-05-23T19:50:00.050-05:00

Have you ever had someone speak a word to you that was prophetic? That wouldn't leave your thoughts? Every time you heard it you thought, there's that word again.

I'm not talking about a commencement speech, a paradigm, or even a paragraph. Just 1 word.

In the past few months I've been driving around with 1 prophetic word stuck on the back of my car.

A few months ago I did something out of my usual Saturday happenings and went to an art gallery exhibit of Bill Butler's. I knew of Bill and Ronja, his wife, from Hope, but had never met them. In humbleness, Bill talked about how he created and visioned art, how he walked the cross every day to the upper room that is his studio, how he used the blocks from the cross to depict the crucifixion, the stains like a blood wash. It was a magnetic and prophetic conversation.

Before I left he said he had a word for me. It was a magnetic bumper sticker and the word was SEEK.

Copyright 2008 Thomas Lift. All Rights Reserved.

Speaking that one word has made me think about my world, and the way I interact in it, differently.

SEEK:
to go to,
to go in search of,
to ask for,
to make an attempt,
to make a search or inquiry,
...
to be sought.

SEEK has passed through the pores of my brain every day since I received it.

The word that day was a gift, and well, it has made all the difference.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. Robert Frost

What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. Luke 12:29-31 (The Message)

And don't be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don't worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. SEEK the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. Luke 12:29-31 (NLT)

Seek the J

...oh I mean...hee hee

Seize the J

J writing
The Thomas Lift project faith word magnets are:
Called
Arise
Shine
Beloved
Abide
Hope
Seek
Pure
Life
Trust
Selah

Which faith word describes where you are right now?

Which faith word describes where you want to be?

Which would you give to someone else?

If someone were to choose one for you, would it be different than the one you choose for yourself?

Faith word magnets are available for $4 at Solid Rock Resources at Lutheran Church of Hope. Collect them all!

Watch Bill create in this video. No words to describe it. Just watch!

His next exhibit is June 26-28 at Avenue Gallery in West Glen Town Center.

Bread of Life

2008-04-22T16:59:00.009-05:00

I've been reading about spiritual disciplines (journaling, by the way, is one). As an exercise for the School of Listening Prayer, I fasted. Before doing it I asked God to show me my weaknesses. Ouch. A word of caution if you pray this. This prayer was answered within seconds and went on for several weeks. I've finally said, “I get it. I get it. Now help me out of my messes.”

The spiritual discipline I’ve been studying is confession and self-examination, "to surrender my weaknesses and faults to the forgiving love of Christ and intentionally desire and embrace practices that lead to transformation."

I have attachments to busyness and independence. Busyness, unfortunately, is where I get validation.

It does keep me in community and therefore humbled because I learn a lot from you and others. But busyness keeps my mind on the going nowhere treadmill. I'm not sure going nowhere, or somewhere for that matter, or accomplishing something, is the right goal or should even be a goal of a Christian. In other words, am I only serving because I will accomplish some human goal or that it will take me to some level? That is self serving. Not Christ serving. That's a goal of a human doing not a human being. Being busy is filling time. Busyness keeps me in the public eye. Busyness keeps me from being lonely and isolated, and I'm afraid of those because of anxiety and depression. Busyness seems to be about validation, which borders on pride.

Independence, and my attachment to it, was a complete surprise. I didn’t realize that it was an attachment.

I’m extremely comfortable doing things on my own, going places by myself. Walking through a door by myself isn’t one of those things I’m uncomfortable doing. It’s the norm. It’s probably more out of my comfort zone to walk through the door with others.

Recently someone told me he viewed me as strong and that made me wonder about strength. I was puzzled by that. Like, uh, what other way is there to be? My parents raised strong children and for that, I reflect back to God with gratitude. And I’ve learned to be strong because of circumstances, because of independence, and because there was no one around to rescue me out my situations, and no one could rescue me. I had to learn it on my own. Because of Him I am strong. In my rewritten paradigm from Christ Life class it is affirmed, “You are my strength. You are my source for love and joy.”

I asked God to show me my weaknesses. I know my strengths but my strengths turn out to also be some weaknesses.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5

"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it was with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty." Philippians 4:11-14

Seize the J

Confession and Self-Examination

2008-04-22T16:26:00.004-05:00

Self-examination is not about putting shame upon ourselves. It's about opening our heart to what is true. Then through confession we experience His forgiveness.

When do you feel yourself getting angry, defensive, withdrawn, irritated? Ask God to make you aware of what triggers those emotional reactions.

In self-examination ask: Who have I hurt through thoughtlessness, neglect, anger, an uncontrolled tongue, and so on. Write a letter to the people that come to mind. Talk to God and confess your feelings about these people.

Confess your sins by examining the Ten Commandments (Deuteronomy 5). Journal your confession.

Divide your life into 7 or 10 year segments. Journal or write letters about the sins during those years.

It Ain't Easy Bein' Green

2008-04-01T15:23:00.012-05:00

Thank you for telling your stories about your own sleep patterns and dreams. To sleep or not to sleep. That is a dilemma.

An update on the Dream Works blog. Why is it I ask God a question such as, "What do you want me to know about honor and obey?" and God answers in a matter of days that he wants me to honor and obey him. But when I ask God for something else it takes years and yet ... I wait.

Could it be that one is He focused and the other is me focused?

In other words, the final answer: God is God and I am not.

It ain't easy bein' green.

“When green is all there is to be, it could make you wonder why. But why wonder, why wonder? I am green, and it'll do fine. It's beautiful, and I think it's what I want to be.”

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. Jeremiah 29:11-14 (The Message)

Seize the J

It Ain't Easy Bein' Green, words by Joe Raposo

Dream journal

2008-03-27T10:31:00.003-05:00

Write your dreams in your journal. Write the details: what do you see, what was said, emotions you feel, who is there, do you know them?

I don't know a lot about symbolism in dreams, for example if you dream about a monkey it means you're going to eat bananas until you're sick. I have no idea.

Spend time thinking about what the objects in your dream mean to you. For example, cows are a recurring dream for me. I grew up on a farm so cows and what they mean in my life mean something different for me than for someone else.

In describing your dreams, listen to the language of how you're describing it both in your journal and when talking to friends. Missing the bus used to be a recurring dream so I listen to that language and ask what is it I'm afraid of missing?

Write your life time dreams in your journal. Describe them.

Gettin' down to basics

2008-03-26T15:51:00.004-05:00

Date your entries. Write naturally in your own voice. Don't write as if someone is looking over your shoulder. If your writing doesn't sound like you … then who are you writing for?

Try writing in bullet lists rather than writing complete sentences.

Make sure your entries are readable to you. Drop the notions of appearance, proper grammar and spelling rules, complete sentences. Doodle. Write in the margins. (Remember the funky little drawings in the margins of Mad magazine.)

As an editor and writer it would be very tempting to rewrite and edit myself. Not going there. It's even fun to see misspeelings. For example instead of: is it good enough, I've written is it god enough. Read between the lines on that one.

Discover your natural writing time. Morning, noon, night? Try writing at different times of day and discover when your thoughts flow naturally. Mine is a.m. and p.m.

Write on a regular basis. It doesn't matter for how long you write, how much you write, or how often you write. Surrender the notion of obsessively writing every day. Why are you obsessing? Stop it.

Read your entries out loud, slowly, to yourself. Hearing your voice gives you clarity, hearing God's voice gives you clarity! Slow down. It's a walk, not a race.

Use good judgment about maintaining privacy. My friend Laura keeps a notebook journal and a computer journal.

And just so you know, I've been there, done that betrayal thang. Don't recommend it at all. (I'll save this story for another day.)

Save your journals. Reread, reread, reread. Growth is one of the most exciting things to read in my journals. God has been at work all along, all for his glory. The way to capture it is to see it, hear it, and feel it by rereading it. Don't soak in the lament of your past after rereading but celebrate with God for how much he has done. Use a highlighter and mark the entries that catch your ear. Reflect on how God is at work and then journal your praises to him.

Hmmm...prompts to ponder

2008-03-26T15:49:00.007-05:00

I think my best quality is:

God thinks my best quality is:

Do you have a world that fosters addictions? Is it your escape?

What is the deepest craving of your heart?

What is whispering in your ear to be rediscovered? Why did you give it up?

Has your picture of God been affected by the family in which you grew up or the church you attended as a child?

In retrospect, did you grow up with a biblically accurate view of God?

Letters

2008-03-26T15:15:00.002-05:00

Write a letter to someone or something in your past. Start the letter Dear (insert blah blah's name here). You will not send this letter so write all the hurts this person or thing caused you. Don't censor yourself. Tell them how you feel, what you think. Write everything without thinking what the other person will think or feel.

Letters in journaling are good for when you have something to say that you can't say directly, maybe that person is no longer in your life. Letters clarify and validate your feelings and thoughts.

End the letter with goodbye. Saying goodbye will free you from the hold those thoughts and feelings have on you. For example: "Goodbye to wanting and needing and holding on to society's ideal. Goodbye to immaturity. Goodbye to peer pressure. Goodbye to saying yes when I mean no."

Lists

2008-03-26T15:13:00.002-05:00

The challenge for making lists in journaling is to make the number of your list larger than what you can logically come up with. If 50 sounds like an easy list, then take the number higher, such as 100.

Challenge yourself to get past the logical list. Tap into the deep. Dive below the surface.

List ideas for your journal:

100 things you like to do
5 people in your life you find fascinating (no goofy famous ones)
Your beliefs (I believe in ...)
Things you're good at
Things you like about yourself
Blessings you've received
Things you’re grateful for
Things you want to try
Excuses you're making for not trying
Things you're upset about
Things you need to lay aside that are keeping you from moving forward
To-do list
Reading list
Video list

Look over your list. Does it list things you think you deserve or are entitled to? Think about it, pray about it. Can it be deleted from your list?

Sprint

2008-03-26T15:11:00.001-05:00

Write nonstop for 10 minutes (set a timer). Let your writing go from one thought to the next. Resist stopping to think of your next thought. The purpose of being timed is you'll build up more to write about than time allows. Writing quickly doesn't allow you to tap into logical thinking. It's okay to misspell, disregard grammar, mess up, get off subject.

When you look back in the archives of your life, who have you randomly met that had an influence on you?

Maybe it was the person using the microwave at lunch just before you did with the stinky cheese entree and you struck up a conversation.

Maybe it's not a person, but the black and white cat with mangy fur that was on the prowl all night long and was meowing at your door.

Maybe it's a song, a repeating rhythm that randomly called. Can you still hear it?

What makes a good journal?

2008-03-25T12:21:00.001-05:00

A perfect spiral
My favorite is a 3 subject, spiral bound mid-size notebook with pockets, college ruled, and at least 180 pages. I favor spiral bound over hard bound journals because hard bound books don’t allow me to bend it back. My journal is well traveled so it has to be inconspicuous because it goes with me on vacation, to church, to work on the bus, to the library. (My English professor did warn me though about writing at the airport.)

Paper (or plastic?)
I don’t care about the paper. Heavier paper means a heavier journal so the 20 lb. notebook paper is lighter weight and that’s basically what school paper is. The size of the spiral is becoming increasingly important and it has to have the spiral that won’t snag my clothes cause that's just really annoying.

Whatever happened to the Bic Clic?
The pen is important and it’s getting harder to find a regular ink pen these days. If it’s too fat my writing is just plain out of control and if it’s too skinny the grip causes that bump on my finger. It has to write smoothly and quickly. No dragging. Gloppy ink is a mess on the hand. I don’t like gel pens so much because they bleed through notebook paper which could be remedied by thick paper but thicker paper means a heavier journal.

I like highlighters for when I re-read and reflect. The mini highlighters are great. They can be put on a key ring but I don’t know why anyone would want a highlighter on their key ring. Who wants to pull out their keys in the car and insert a highlighter?

Mirroring: Q & A/A & Q

2008-03-25T12:16:00.010-05:00

Ask yourself a question. Give yourself the answer. Write about it in both forms.

What is my purpose for being where I am in life right now?
My purpose in life right now is...

Where are you God? Will you rescue me?
He is here rescuing me from...

Go to Psalms and Proverbs for help.

I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by. I cry out to the God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me. He will send help from heaven to rescue me... (Psalm 57:1-2)

Asking the question gives you the chance to ponder it from different angles. Answering the question makes a statement in confidence of how you feel. (No worries. You can always change your mind.)

Dream Works

2008-03-16T12:29:00.012-05:00

One of my favorite Bible stories is about the dreamer Joseph. And Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is also one of my favorite Broadway shows.

"Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time."

I'm an insomniac. Have been for about 12 years. How do you become one too? You quit sleeping, but not because you want to. I went to a sleeping disorders clinic and they had a computer simulation test as part of the analysis. They said I was way out of the "normal" range and hit too many cows in the simulation! At that time, a good night's sleep was 4 hours and a bad night's sleep was anywhere from 20 minutes to 4 hours. That qualifies for insomniac status.

Mitch told me he thought I had the gift of prophecy to which I said, "No, I don't think so." Prophets I thought have long beards, carry a staff, wear a robe, and make proclamations from mountain tops. No, don't want a beard and as far as acquiring a staff, ebay might be a source. That same week in the School of Listening Prayer, Pastor Richard talked about prophecy and it mirrored what Mitch said. I talked with Deb after class and also met with Pastor Richard and after those conversations I thought, "Hmmm, it's possible." So I talked to another source: God. "God, I would like to have this gift and if you want me to have this gift then I need my dreams back." Since I don't get deep REM sleep, I don't dream. Shortly after that, I began getting deeper sleep. My dreams are back.

I see words in my dreams. Go figure that God would speak to a journaler, reader, and writer in words. Sometimes words appear like a slide show. They'll wave or flash across my vision. Sometimes I'm reading a book and I can actually read the words in the book in my dream.

Last night I dreamed the words were inscribed at the top of a building. The building was a large, square, sandstone, temple-like structure. There were no windows on the outside. I stood in front of it and at the top of the building the inscribed words were: Honor Patience Obey. In that order. Patience loomed larger in the middle.

Patience is a word that kept coming up during my fast last week. Honor and Obey. Could be honor my parents, obey God...but all 3 of them in relation to each other? In order? I'm still unpacking this one. If you have a prophecy or an idea about these 3 words, post here or e-mail me at seizethej@gmail.com. Yikes!

Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the Lord tested Joseph's character. Psalm 105:19

Until then...
Seize the J

"May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating...
Any dream will do."

*Lyrics by Tim Rice

iPhone or iThrone?

2008-02-25T19:34:00.016-06:00

When you have a problem, where do you go? Do you go to the phone or do you go to the throne?

People are compelled to pick up the phone when they "need" to talk to someone. And it's going on 24/7 in our culture.

How many of us say we are compelled to call on God when we need to talk? Or is he the go-to-guy as a last resort?

"Tis the only comfort of the miserable to have partners in their woes." (Don Quixote de la Mancha). Hmmm. We seem to miserate in company. Hey I'm all for community and Lord knows I need it because I can isolate very easily and yet...

...I have yet to find a person that can solve my problems. Last summer I was having a "day of crisis" and was desperate to find an answer (or more like some relief) right then, right there. I was going to poll some friends and get their analysis of the situation. I called 5 people. I got 5 voicemails saying my call was very important to them and to have a nice day.* Have a nice day! Are you kidding, I was having a crisis! If only I could reach out, reach out and touch someone, my problem would be over and I could move on. Right?

God had other plans that meant talking to him first before I threw it out there for public opinion. And he's a lot easier to reach out and touch.

When I call on Jesus, I know he's paying attention to me. I know when I talk he listens. He's not putting me on hold, he's not checking his voicemails, he's not listening with one ear and texting an answered prayer to someone else on the other hand.

He is fully engaged with me. He is fully engaged with you.

God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to him. You were foolish to go for human help when you could have had God's help. (2 Chronicles 16:9, The Message)

Seize the J

* Any resemblance to real life may be purely paranoia.

J quote
I'm so very ordinary.
Nothing special on my own.
I have never walked on water.
I have never calmed a storm.
Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me
like a child who's afraid of the dark.

But when I call on Jesus
all things are possible.
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar.
When I call on Jesus
mountains are gonna fall.
'Cause he'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call.

(When I Call on Jesus recorded by Nichole C. Mullen)

Here's My Heart, What's Your Hurry

2008-02-10T10:46:00.035-06:00

Each of my journals begin with a prayer, setting the tone for the journal.

My current journal begins with my secondary mission for Seize the J from Isaiah 61:1-3.

God has sent me on a mission. I have some great news for you. God has sent me to restore and release something. I am here to give you back your heart and set you free. I am furious at the enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him. Let me comfort you. For, dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you where you have known only devastation. Joy, in the places of your deep sorrow. And I will robe your heart in thankful praise in exchange for your resignation and despair. (translation from Captivating)

Date your entries. Write naturally in your own voice. Don't write as if someone is looking over your shoulder. If your writing doesn't sound like you … then who are you writing for?

God is looking for your heart. He's not looking for a term paper or a dissertation. Again I say, he wants your heart.

My buddy Kent, from choir, and I were talking about his journaling experiences. What I hear from guys is you're not sure you're doing it right, meaning the writing flow and style doesn't feel or sound right. I suggested that Kent try writing in bullet lists rather than writing complete sentences. I also suggested he go back to those entries he wrote several months ago and reread them. I bet he discovers something about himself. I'm interested in hearing from you guys about your journaling experiences. E-mail me at seizethej@gmail.com.

Make sure your entries are readable to you. Drop the notions of appearance, proper grammar and spelling rules, complete sentences. Doodle. Write in the margins. (Remember the funky little drawings in the margins of Mad magazine.) As an editor and writer it would be very tempting to rewrite and edit myself. Not going there. It's even fun to see misspeelings. For example instead of: is it good enough, I've written is it god enough. Read between the lines on that one.

Discover your natural writing time. Morning, noon, night? Try writing at different times of day and discover when your thoughts flow naturally. Mine is a.m. and p.m.

Write on a regular basis. It doesn't matter for how long you write, how much you write, or how often you write. Surrender the notion of obsessively writing every day. Why are you obsessing? Stop it.

Read your entries out loud, slowly, to yourself. Hearing your voice gives you clarity, hearing God's voice gives you clarity! Slow down. It's a walk, not a race.

Use good judgment about maintaining privacy. My friend Laura keeps a notebook journal and a computer journal. Here is how she uses the computer journal:

I use a personal (free) e-mail account I've established specifically for this purpose, I just don't send the e-mails to anyone. It's a very secure source, as opposed to having a written document laying around for someone to potentially find. It is reassuring when I've got something on my mind I really wouldn't want anyone else to read inadvertently. Of course, my husband teases that I have the personal e-mail account he can't access just so I have means of communicating with my secret boyfriend!And just so you know, I've been there, done that betrayal thang. Don't recommend it at all. (I'll save this story for another day.)

Save your journals. Reread, reread, reread. Growth is one of the most exciting things for me to read in my journals. God has been at work all along, all for his glory. The way to capture it is to see it, hear it, and feel it by rereading it. Don't soak in the lament of your past after rereading but celebrate with God for how much he has done. Use a highlighter and mark the entries that catch your ear. Reflect on how God is at work and then journal your praises to him.

And again I say, he wants your heart.

Seize the J

I hurt because I gave.
I gave because I love.
I love because I'm willing.
I'm willing because you
love me.

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and you know everything about me.
Psalm 139:1

Brotha' Can You Spare a Dime?

2008-01-24T21:12:00.001-06:00

Jan. 24, 2008

It is -10 degrees outside with a wind chill of -25 (that's the feel-like temperature for you in the South). Today I wore long underwear, pants, turtleneck sweater, 2 pairs of socks, warm hiking boots, a hooded fleece sweatshirt, scarf, long wool dress coat, Turtle Fur ski headband, and Polar Tec mittens. All this for my 2-1/2 block walk to the bus stop. Hopefully the bus would be on time and I'd have less than a 5 minute wait. I was cold anyway.

How comfortable are you? What's the indoor feel-like temperature where you are?

I saw my 1st homeless people in Denver 20 some years ago. I was on the 1 hour-3-transfers bus ride to my job at a collection agency (I lasted less than 3 weeks!) The bus went across a bridge north of downtown, what was then the old rail yards and stock yards. It is now Coors Field, home of the Colorado Rockies. As the bus went across the bridge I looked down. There were 4 or 5 men hudd

led around a fire burning in a barrel.

How comfortable are you?

A few years ago some friends and I went on a street mission with our friend Della at Hope Ministries. It was mid September. After a brief tour of the kitchen, Rick told a little about the mission. Eggs are hard to come by at the mission and with fall approaching warm socks were needed. We rode in the back of the truck and dished out meals of macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, milk, bread, whatever we had and howe

ver long it lasted. I remember being at a tent camp near Gray's Lake. A prayer was always said before we left for the next stop. Two of the homeless argued over who would say the prayer. How Jesus must have chuckled. I remember one of the homeless women from the camp saying to a homeless man, "Jesus loves you." He replied, "Uh uh. No he don't." How sad he felt so worthless that no one can love him, not even Jesus. How Jesus must have wept.

How comfortable are you?

Two years ago I was in a God-forsaken-valley-of-a-job. I worked downtown and walked the skywalk between the company's 2 satellite offices. I was miserable as many of you know. One day a man that reminded me of Santa Claus with white hair and a beard walked by me in the skywalk. He smiled and said, "Hi." If ever I needed a smile--that day was it. A few weeks later he was outside one of the skywalk convenience stores. He told me the lottery was at $12 million. I laughed. A few weeks later I saw him again. It was then I realized he was homeless. The cans in the garbage bag was the tip off. I saw him many times when I worked downtown. I don't know his name--only that he gave me a gift on a day I needed one.

How comfortable are you?

Last spring Sue, Kathy, Trish, and I went along with Alan, Hope's Cookie Ministry director, to feed the homeless in Des Moines. Alan was a great guide around the city and we stopped at shelters,

ministries, and camps. He expertly warned us at one of the tent camps not to go in because of

the mean dogs. We could hear the dogs woofing it up at the edge of the trees. Dogs? No one told me there'd be dogs! Trish took the heart-felt photo at the top of this blog. Watch a short documentary of how the homeless live at Sue's You Tube video. Listen to their words of grace and need. See inside their hearts.

Sue loaned me a great book about being homeless--Under the Overpass: A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America by Mike Yankoski. I read it last year while in NY. The homeless there aren't as visible as you might think. Unless you have your eyes closed. My last day there I attended church that morning, bought some earrings at Macy's, and was on my way to Bryant Park for a hot dog. I saw the man sitting on the sidewalk with black garbage bags on his legs and newspapers braided around his arms. He desperately cried out, "Please help me." I know the warnings about giving money directly to the homeless. I walked past… The "least of these" scripture played in my brain. True New Yorkers always keep change on hand to give to the homeless. I could not walk away. I turned around, his hand still stretched out, his palm caked with dirt. Our eyes met. "Oh thank you, thank you, I'm so grateful," he said.

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.

…Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'

He will answer them, "I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me--you failed to do it to me." Matthew 25:41-45 (The Message)

How comfortable are you? What's your feel-like temperature now?

Seize the J

(Photo copyrighted and courtesy of TLC Photography toma-lark@mchsi.com)

Are You an Escape Artist?

2008-01-10T09:42:00.002-06:00

If you’ve been to a Seize the J workshop, you’re familiar with the journaling exercise about escape--where you escape to, where you feel at home, where you like to be, where you feel yourself like no other place. What do you see? What do you hear? What does it smell like? My place--New York City. My other: on the floor basking in the sun’s (Son’s) rays.

In the book To Be Told, by Dan Allender, he spins the idea of escape in the opposite direction--and it’s a lot more difficult to journal because I have yet to honestly write about it.

The question: Where do you escape to find security and acceptance when you feel shame?

Webster defines shame as: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety; a condition of humiliating disgrace.

Humiliating disgrace sums it up awfully, don’t you think?

I was a temper-tantrum throwin’ child, there is something shameful about being out of control. All I know is at some point I learned to hold it in. Until I got to be about 33 and then it fired up like lava spewing out of a volcano.

The world couldn’t love me like I wanted to be loved. I couldn’t compare to everyone that seemed to have the job, the house, the car, the relationship, the stuff. It looked like everyone had everything and I had nothing.

Ooooh so not true. For I had my identity. My identity is in Christ. The world will never love us, and we better hope it doesn’t and that we don’t love the world either. If you do, my friends, take a look at what it offers.

“As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all the power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs.’ The world says: ‘Yes, I love you if you are good looking, intelligent, and wealthy. I love you if you have a good education, a good job, and good connections. I love you if you produce much, sell much, and buy much.’ There are endless ‘ifs’ hidden in the world’s love. These ‘ifs’ enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The world’s love is and always will be conditional. As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain ‘hooked’ to the world--trying, failing, and trying again. It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.” (From The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri J.M. Nouwen.)

Do you have a world that fosters addictions?

Is it your escape?

Don’t love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world--wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important--has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out--but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity. 1 John 2:15-17 (The Message)

What is the deepest craving of your heart?

Seize the J

Auld Lang Syne

2007-12-30T06:08:00.001-06:00

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

Probably.

I recently had a phone call from someone from my past that wanted to meet. It was weird. Probably the last time I spoke to this person was some 20 years ago in the middle of Kansas. I have not so fond memories of this person. Full of himself, every statement he made was how wonderful he was, he wasn't a particularly kind or considerate person. Why would I possibly need to meet this person?

After all, I'd completed 1-1/2 years of intense Christ Life class which included digging up my past and then saying goodbye to it all. I really had several reasons to believe that I didn't need or want to visit with this person.

I thought of every way I could to get out of it including using church as an excuse. I didn't get his phone number so there was no way to (un)graciously cancel. And not showing up entered my mind. I'd work out an "excuse" later, which means a lie. I was working so hard on trying to rationalize this with God. Nothing doing. I knew it wouldn't work. You know it doesn't work.

The day of the meeting I read in my Bible that God will use me for His purposes. I really didn't want to be used for His purposes with this person. Why me? Why not use someone else who is a much better example of You. I've already given you numerous ways I'm not good enough to be your message God.

Here is what I journaled: "So hey God, you're going to use me for your purpose. I should be very happy to do this for you. And most of the time when you send me out there, I'm in awe of what you're doing. But this time, I just don't care. I don't care what he has done for the past 25 years. Big whoop is all I've got to say. 'Talk 'til you're overflowing with how great you've been the last 25 years.' Big deal. I said goodbye and now you're asking me to go forth and be your message. I want to pass. Help me to be grateful."

During the drive there, I repeated, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I pulled into the parking lot of the trendy West Des Moines restaurant. I waited and I waited and I waited. No show.

Just wondering God. What was that?

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Need to get the lead out in 2008? Christ Life is a great class to do it. Lutheran Church of Hope's Christ Life class begins Jan. 21. To find out more about Christ Life, including affirmations and devotions, or to contact them about classes in your area, go to Christ Life Solution.

Seize the J

J quote
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned in to rain...
Same Auld Lang Syne, Dan Fogelberg

Making a List, Checking It Twice

2007-12-02T11:25:00.001-06:00

Tis the season for making lists, whether it's a Christmas wish list or a New Year's resolution list.

What was on your Santa wish list when you were 5? Look at old photos of yourself taken at Christmas. Do you remember the sounds, the smells, the wrapping paper, the goofy clothes, the anticipation? Wow to be 5 with the belief and trust of a child.

If you make a list now with that same belief and trust of a child, for we can ask our Father for anything, what is on the list? Is it something simple like a doll or a firetruck? Do I ask with all the details attached to it? Do I ask with the simplicity of a 5-year old or the complexity of a 40-something? And if I get it and it doesn't have all that I requested, will I be disappointed, will I want to return it, thinking my request is unanswered? Or do I receive exactly what I need?

Is it time to make a change in the New Year?

Last summer when I began working on this dream, I was challenged to write a list of 100 Things I Like To Do. I began thinking about the things I was doing and asked myself, “Do I like to do this? Is it list worthy?”

Here is part of the list:
go to concerts
laugh with my sister
look at nature
color in coloring books
meet a friend for coffee
have a small group discussion
look at View Master reels
write short story paragraphs
sit and be still and quiet
learn new software
be at the airport
watch a parade
take the longest route, even if it's slower
clean, if I'm in the mood
get hugs
go to the zoo
overhear conversation
swing at the park
watch traffic

When I looked over the list of all 100 things, I noted there were 2 things in the top 10 that I liked to do when I was younger that I was no longer doing -- singing and biking. Hmmm. Why not? So in the last 6 months I began singing in the choir and bought a bike and hit the bike trails. What a difference adding these 2 fun things back in my life has made. I feel 15 again (almost).

What is whispering in your ear to be rediscovered? Why did you give it up?

What's on your lists?

Seize the J

J quote
I believe in a faith that's strong.
I believe in a hope that carries on.
I believe in these things and more.
Most of all, I believe in love.
Third Day

Were You There?

2007-11-11T09:49:00.001-06:00

Random: Without definite aim, direction, rule, or method. Lacking a definite plan, purpose or pattern.

Sometimes life feels like I'm doing it at random. But by going back through the archives of my journals, I have discovered that nothing is random at all.

6 years ago I walked into a church I'd never been to before (Lutheran Church of Hope.) I was there for a singles game night. I knew no one. At the church's welcome center was a brochure for a job-related seminar to take place in January 2002. The seminar was about achieving our dreams.

Were you there at that game night? It wasn't random.

At the seminar I sat towards the back of the sanctuary. And in the front of the sanctuary was a man in a black turtleneck talking about our dreams in life. This guy was filled with fire! I remember thinking, "I want to be like that." No I didn't at all want to be up front speaking but I wanted that fire, that spirit, that purpose.

Were you there at that seminar? It wasn't random.

Here is my journal entry shortly after attending: Jan. 26, 2002: "Thinking about dream seminar. Thinking have I been looking in the wrong direction? Is it not writing but is it reading, proofreading, or reading manuscripts or submissions? Or journaling workshop? All I can do is pray for Him that it be revealed and that I see the steps and signs. I will listen to what I read in the Bible and hear in sermons. I am a little afraid. But maybe it's nothing to do with reading or writing but making friends and having meaningful relationships in my life. Dream Big."

See that not so random phrase about journaling workshop? I was in the darkness of anxiety and depression. I had no friends or meaningful relationships. For me to even have a small desire was a Big Dream. Too big for me to comprehend.

In August 2003 I received an e-mail from someone in that singles group about attending Alpha.

Did you send the e-mail? It wasn't random.

I went to Alpha and at the retreat (wait a holy minute!) the "black turtleneck man" from the dream seminar, and his wife, were in the row in front of me.

Were you there at the Alpha retreat in the fall of 2003? It wasn't random.

I attended the Dream Giver series at Lutheran Church of Hope. I had no dream. But God does.

Were you there? It wasn't random.

This past spring I read Dream Giver again. The next week I received a "random" e-mail from Mitch and Melissa, yep that would be black turtleneck man and his wife from Alpha. The e-mail was about a Big Dream Gathering taking place in Des Moines.

I went. I grabbed 3 orange Big Dream Gathering sheets of paper and wrote down 2 dreams, 1 related to my job and 1 related to traveling to NY. There was 1 remaining blank orange sheet in my hand...unfulfilled. Later this dream was posted on the wall with the hundreds of other dreams:

Were you at the Big Dream Gathering? It wasn't random.

A journaling workshop? Connecting people to God through journaling? Dreaming Big? That is not random.

Seize the J

J quote
That you are here -- that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass