If you’ve been to a Seize the J workshop, you’re familiar with the journaling exercise about escape--where you escape to, where you feel at home, where you like to be, where you feel yourself like no other place. What do you see? What do you hear? What does it smell like? My place--New York City. My other: on the floor basking in the sun’s (Son’s) rays.In the book To Be Told, by Dan Allender, he spins the idea of escape in the opposite direction--and it’s a lot more difficult to journal because I have yet to honestly write about it.
The question: Where do you escape to find security and acceptance when you feel shame?
Webster defines shame as: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety; a condition of humiliating disgrace.
Humiliating disgrace sums it up awfully, don’t you think?
I was a temper-tantrum throwin’ child, there is something shameful about being out of control. All I know is at some point I learned to hold it in. Until I got to be about 33 and then it fired up like lava spewing out of a volcano.The world couldn’t love me like I wanted to be loved. I couldn’t compare to everyone that seemed to have the job, the house, the car, the relationship, the stuff. It looked like everyone had everything and I had nothing.
Ooooh so not true. For I had my identity. My identity is in Christ. The world will never love us, and we better hope it doesn’t and that we don’t love the world either. If you do, my friends, take a look at what it offers.
“As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me? Do you really love me?’ I give all the power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs.’ The world says: ‘Yes, I love you if you are good looking, intelligent, and wealthy. I love you if you have a good education, a good job, and good connections. I love you if you produce much, sell much, and buy much.’ There are endless ‘ifs’ hidden in the world’s love. These ‘ifs’ enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them. The world’s love is and always will be conditional. As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain ‘hooked’ to the world--trying, failing, and trying again. It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.” (From The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri J.M. Nouwen.)
Do you have a world that fosters addictions?
Is it your escape?
Don’t love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world--wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important--has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out--but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity. 1 John 2:15-17 (The Message)
What is the deepest craving of your heart?
Seize the J
3 comments:
When I truly escape, it's usually when I fully submit to the Lord in listening prayer. He gives me visions that I never quite understand, but I receive them anyway. The setting for these escapes usually requires complete silence, which is difficult to find, especially within my own chattering brain. When I feel shame, Jesus shows up in the vision and he always shows me gentle love. This is very consistent. I've never seen Jesus waggle his finger at me disapprovingly (sigh of relief!). The discussion of addictions to the world and stuff is a difficult one. Easy to nod your head in agreement that we need to move away from it, not so easy to incorporate/apply it in daily living. I think we just need to keep talking about it in fellowship and reminding each other to ask for Holy Spirit power to help us move away from the shiny things and the fake/temporary emotions they give us. I definitely don't like giving power to the voices of the world. It only leads to sorrow. The deepest craving of my heart is to have Jesus live in me, 24/7. So far, it feels more like 2-4/7, but I'm certain that God has a plan for that too. ;o)
I love this post Janet. It hits me deeply--thank you! My writing tool of choice? Glitter gel pens...they inspire me to keep going, I love to see pretty ink on the page.
S.
Janet, I see from your profile you are a "journaling coach" ... I would like to know how to contact you to reignite my own spiritual growth. Is it inappropriate for me to do so through this blog? If so, please accept my apologies in advance. If you could email me at Sandy@firmmatters.com that would be very helpful, too. (I don't check our gmail account often.)
Thanks!
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